I look in the mirror and sometimes I don't like what I see. My flaws are quite evident, I'm reactive, impatient, judgmental, and terribly negative. There's a lot more that I know I need to work on and writing in this short span has given me some clarity. Not only am I seeing growth through my writing, but I'm learning to step outside my box and see me through the eyes of others.
The comment that this supposed friend made hurt my feelings and obviously pissed me off more than I was ready to admit. However, there's growth that has already manifested itself within me.
Through his words I'm able to realize that I've been a hater many times over. Why have I been blind to these inadequacies? There's a difference between constructive criticism and complete hating on something just because I have no appreciation for it. It's time I grow up and support people, especially my friends who seek an honest opinion and my support. Words are hurtful and I don't to be the person who discourages people from pursuing their path.
It is with this mindset that I welcome the opinion from the person who I wrote about in the blog below. Through your words I've realized that you're the person I don't ever want to be: a negative asshole.
4 comments:
Wow. I hate to ask but is the person you talk about me?
-Spike
Wow, I don't mind asking: was this person you were talking about Spike? (whoever that is) If not, who was it? Do tell.
~ Rob ~
haha i love u friend!
btw... u r to fabulous to have any flaws. xoxo
So this person is a negative asshole and you are not. Even after describing yourself "judgmental" and "negative" this still doesn't make you a "negative asshole" too apparently. You know, I think it's great that you have the balls to be so candid with people you know, that you will have to see again, that know your phone number. I admire that. I could only address a room full of strangers or not give this blog URL out to friends and family 'cause then it would compromise my entries and prevent me from really "letting myself go." Basically, what I'm trying to say is I could never do what you do so there's respect there.
But what I do want to say is, after reading your mostly positive blog, is that the common thread is... well you're quick to label, but not yourself. You're not finished yet, you're still questioning and trying to learn yet you fail to put yourself in others' shoes: he's a negative asshole, he's flaky, he's on thin ice, etc, when it should be assumed everyone goes through a learning process. You will change for the better, they will not. It's set: they are an asshole. The dilemma here isn't theirs, but yours: how long do you want to give people with nary any respect for you the time of day? If you don't ever want to sever ties then it's called taking the good with the bad. And who wants to change another person's habits so that they can stay on your good side? You let them know what's up and they decide what they want to do and that's it. Next.
In a way you have become what you hated. It's apparent you harbor insecure feelings about yourself (we all do) but it's also clear that to remedy this you seek the approval of others, total strangers even, based on their race, aesthetics, personality, disarming smile, class, whatever it may be. So therefore you do to others what you assume others do to you all the time: judge, assume, etc. I mean if anyone assumed I was stupid or didn't know in general then that wouldn't speak well of them and I certainly wouldn't try to prove them wrong (your willingness to set yourself apart from the stereotype just to earn his respect smacks also of a certain elitism that I won't get into here). You truly realize who your real friends are when you be yourself and acknowledge you can't be everything to everyone. It's exhausting.
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