Guarded and Cynical

Sometimes I'm too overprotective about who I am. I'm guarded and cynical at times and I'm growing tired of it. My genuine self wants to be joyful and utter happy. Is this possible?

A certain someone has renewed my faith in humanity; the healing has begun, progress is in motion and I love myself just a bit more with every passing day.

Being guarded and cynical just ain't for me.

The most loaded question I've been asked

Do you think you love yourself enough for someone to love you?

Wow, my fraternnity brother Erick just asked me this question and I don't have an answer just yet. Keeping in mind that I believe you have to love and embrace yourself before expecting anyone else to love you for who you are.

I wouldn't turn to someone to provide me with my internal happiness. The special people we find along the way are icing on the cake, they aren't and shouldn't be my pathway towards happiness. I have to be okay with myself, beyond that, I have to love myself and that's how people shine. That's how someone discovers you; when you're comfortable enough in your own skin, comfortable with who you are, when you love the you that you are...that's how you shine and that's how someone discovers you and vice versa. Sometimes that's how you find a connection with someone.

This is something I'll have to think about more carefully. How would you answer this question?

Quote from a friend

Love freely, love without expecting! Just love.
-Alex Loera

Chasing Amy: Dedicated to You

Several thoughts are rushing through my head. I'm experiencing catharsis and I can think of one specific person who would understand this more than anyone based on a previous conversation. Without a moment's loss I'm instantly drawn to a movie that reminds me of how rare yet so precious it is to find a genuine connection with another human being. Amidst disappointment with how things have to be, I remain optimistic having grown from this positive experience because I've found a friend for life. I remain smiling, no regrets.

Many lines in this movie ring true in how I perceive certain moments of my life especially with regards to people and these connections. This movie has several notable scenes, below you'll find some of my favorite. Pay close attention to the words. Do they remind you of anyone special then or now?

An outburst of raw emotion is captured through song...


Humor and sincerity fuses a friendship between two people...


A risk is taken and expressed with an open heart...

You're Invited!

FRUIT LOOP 2008

When:
Saturday Apr 26, 2008
at 6:30 PM

Where::
ALL WeHo Bars
West Hollywood, CA 90069
United States

You've been invited to the West Hollywood "Fruit" Loop on Saturday 4.26.08 @ 6:30pm. The Fruit Loop is an fun ass event where we'll be strategically (to avoid covers and and get in on the drink specials) hitting up EVERY bar/club in West Hollywood.

ONLY RULE:
You MUST have at least 1 drink at each spot!

We won't rush since we'll start in the early evening. Bring a camera, cash, friends, and an awesome attitude.





Meet @ East-West Lounge
8851 Santa Monica Blvd.
Saturday 4.26.08 @ 6:30pm


Places We'll be hitting up (not in order):

East West
Trunks
Fiesta Cantina
Rage
Mother Load
Here
Abbey

Hit me up for more information
ucmex@yahoo.com


TYRA THINKS ITS GONNA BE

"FIERCE!"

Last American Virgin

One of my favorite 80's flicks of all time, The Last American Virgin. This movie is a cross between American Pie and Say Anything, funny yet touching. The soundtrack features many notable hits and complements the film exceptionally well.

Check it out for yourself!

Busy Saturday: A quick run-down

I woke up early Saturday morning to finish up some work at Parsons. I headed home to change then met up with Eduardo for a Tae-Kwando tournament that a friend of his organized and participated in. We scoped out Old Town then settled for a bite to eat at the Cheese Factory where half way into our delicious lunch we're spotted by no other than Councilwoman Jacque Robinson! It's always great to see her, even she's on Team Obama.

I carpooled with Eduardo and his friend Juan to Hector Silva's Art Exhibit then proceeded to Akbar for Jame's Berfday. It's so much fun expanding my circle of friends in addition to strengthening my current friendships. After Akbar we headed to Arena but only after a pit stop to have a beer. I had such a blast at Arena, even though it was rushed, I got to chat with a bunch of friends like Jose NAK, Gerardo (one of Tarsi's closest friends), Dedan (I got a huge this time), Mikey and Brooklyn (these guys are so much fun). The night ended with some beers and some much needed sleep, I had a blast!

CHIRLA Annual Gala

On Thursday April 10th I volunteered at CHIRLA's Annual Awards Gala which took place at recently renovated L.A.'s Union Station. I invited several friends and in the end Alex volunteered as well as two of my colleagues, Yuny and Daisy, who serve as Board Directors of the Pasadena Latino Forum. The night evening went very smooth and Whelma the event coordinator did a great job of rallying a lot of volunteers.

I took advantage of focusing on some key networking with the hindsight of collaborating and coalition building with respects to my current project as I chair the Pasadena Human Relations Commission's committee on immigration.

Thanks to everyone who hooked me up with complimentary drink cards! I met a lot of great people and feel much more confident as I approach my own endeavors with regards to immigration. It was a great night for sure!

Balance to the Force

I'm experiencing euphoria and have reached a stable and healthy balance in my life that I haven't experienced in a long time. Through working out & exercise, enriching my life with positive community involvement & awareness, spending time & communicating with friends, and other factors that I haven't been able to point out, the stars in my life are aligned!

No more feeling dead inside, no more grudges, no more feeling cynical; I feel strong, able and immensely powerful enough to take on challenges that will develop growth.

French Kiss-off the Olympic Torch

The Olympic Torch made it's way to Paris, France on Monday as part of Beijing's elaborate relay for the upcoming Summer Games. Swarms of protesters disrupted the Torch relay spotlighting China's poor human rights accord and the country's dominance over Tibet. The scene got so bad that the Torch was forcibly extinguished and transported on a bus.

The Mayor of Paris, Bertrand Delanoe has already infuriated Beijing by displaying a banner on city hall declaring that his city supports human rights around the world.

The next stop for this Torch relay is San Francisco, the only stop in all of North America. You can be sure thousands upon thousands of activists will be on hand to dismiss the flame and China's politics. Here's a preview of what to expect as protesters climbed Golden Gate bridge on Monday to display their own message in the United States.

Commissioner Flip in action

As some of you may know, I am a Commissioner for the City of Pasadena serving on the Human Relations Commission. It's been a grand experience thus far but now I feel the pressure of leading an immensely important project with the little experience I have. Chairing a committee isn't new to me but the dynamic is largely removed from those that I've previously handled because being an official City entity there is protocol that must be followed. Luckily I'm a resourceful person and I know how to manage various projects so I won't be approaching this undertaking so blind sighted.

I'll keep everyone posted on how things go but for now it's best to keep this under wraps for now. There are other projects I'd like to take on through this commission such as helping to establish or build-on a gay-alliance network for people in the public and private sector, creating a Commission internship program, establishing a hate crime victim's advocate, collaborate on youth initiatives with am emphasis on academic and leadership development, and lastly helping to ease the strained black-brown relations that seemed to gotten worse over time.

First thing's first, I want to make myself a sandwich-I'm hungry!

Is my heart open?

I'm aware that some friendships run their course. I don't deny what they were and what currently is. In a feng-shui attack in attempt to simplify my life, seek clarity, and getting rid of some clutter, I've ended some lingering friendships that weren't really friendships at all. It sounds cold-hearted but there's no use in lying about the way things are. I walked away from these relationships having down everything possible to salvage them. My attempts were futile.

Amber thinks that perhaps I'm being a bit haste. She's got magnificent heart-I love her to death. I recognize that my heart is closed to some degree. I look to what is good in my life and I'm immediately reminded of my closest friends and family. I've been hurt so many times and sometimes I inflicted this pain on myself.

Amber thinks my heart is as big as hears and I almost cried because I've let hurt and mistakes define how I view myself and worse, how I deal with things. I love people and perhaps getting rid of them before they hurt me is just easier on me to handle.

Is my heart open or have I been filtering out the unwanted as soon as I asses them as an opportunity for someone to hurt me? I stand by my choices as painful as they might seem. It's no easy task to walk away without looking back but I am an adult now and I expect friends to be friends through thick and thin and unfortunately I haven't seen that in a couple of friends. Look at me now, doing the same thing, walking away. I'm perpetuating the very same thing that I'm chastising. This paradox is the offspring of how I deal with emotional pain. Perhaps there is escape but I haven't been able to reason a compromise between my optimism and cynicism with regards to friendships.

The journey continues. I don't believe in replacements, but as I say goodbye to great people in my life I say hello to some new ones who will undoubtedly bring love and light in the true spirit of growth and friendship.

Birthday Boys!

Big hugs to my Ryan, Juan, Spike and of course my brother Danny, on their very special day, happy birthday! My brother said he has an awesome time, I called him at 4am and poor guy was recovering from a night of birthday fun. Spike, I owe you one. I know you party like a supahfreak so post some pictures soon!

I did however, party with Ryan and all his friends. I picked up Edu and headed for the Abbey. I love Ryan's friends, they're very successful and positive people who I can totally see myself being around more as I get to know them. After the Abbey we rushed off to Circus where of course parking was a hot mess but alas, we made it in!

It was imperative I make a cameo at Circus to celebrate with Nelson's boy Juan! He seemed to drunk and out of it, loved that guy. It was only a matter of time before I saw everyone else at Circus, Nelson, Adolfo, Alex, Marty, I mean you name it and they were there. Apparently I hooked up Adolfo with some cute guy, ha ha. I tend to do that, I know I've hooked up Alex a couple of times so it didn't surprise me when Adolfo told me what went down.

The night was terrific fun! No drama, no tears this time! The next day was even better, actually...I won't get into it, but I had a great time.

The Job

A must see and hilarious satirical short film!

One Moment, One Chance

One Woman,
One Leader,
One Moment,
One Time,
One Chance,
One Decision,
One Fighter,
If not now, when?

A Day with the Girls, I mean the Gammas

One of the highlights from Circus was hanging out with Alex and his fraternity brothers, the Gammas. NAKs and Gammas are the dominant Latino based fraternity's on the West Coast making us rivals to some degree because we're both relatively large while also being founded around the same time. Of course, this rivalry gets intensified at some chapters while others have a pretty good relationship. In the real world, it's important to embrace all people, especially if they've got a good head on their shoulders.

After Circus Alex and I joined his Fraternity brothers at the Gay Burrito off Santa Monica Blvd. I had a great time with them at Circus and the vibe continued while we ate. Of course I was teased for being a NAK but that's just because they don't know any better, ha ha. In all reality these guys were wonderful people having a really good time.

I'm not sure how this came to be, but they convinced Alex and I to crash at Beto's (UCLA) apartment so that we can continue drinking and go tanning the next day. Of course it sounds silly in retrospect considering the weather had been a little cold as of late but alas, they had me at more drinks.

We woke up the next day and these guys...oh man...they wanted to start taking shots! I don't take succesful shots but thanks to them I finally found my poison! I can take a shot of whiskey with ease! We must have taken 9 shots in a span of 2 hours, goodtimes! We got into some discussions on the Democratic Primary, gay marriage and God knows what else. We walked to a Mexican restaurant where Alex treated me to some nachos with chicken mmmmmmmm.

Soon after we returned to the apartment we decided to head to the beach, I was the most sober to drive and so we headed to Santa Monica which was only about a minute drive away. The beach was fun and even snuck in a few shots while we were tanning. Jose (UCSD) and Alex got into the water which was way to cold for me so I joined Juan (Cal State LA) and Beto on land. in the hour and a half we were there I was able to get a light tan but I wanted a bit more color mostly because I was inspired by my friend Mikey who just got himself a great tan at the beach just one week before.

Upon returning to the apartment, we settled down to watch Aladdin, only Jose was able to stay up through the whole thing. We ordered pizza too! I haven't had pizza in months, thanks guys! I was drunk and hungover by 8pm, I couldn't take it. I felt miserable and was not up for another night of partying. After a much needed nap, I drove Alex home and headed home.

Hanging out with them kept NAK on my mind. Their interaction reminded me of the fun times that I've had with my own fraternity brothers. A big thanks to you gentlemen for a great time, you guys are quality people.

Alex's Birthday Night

Cobras and Matadors, The Abbey and Circus

This past Friday we celebrated Alex's birthday. The night started out with some great conversation over dinner at Cobras & Matadors in Los Angeles. I met some great people, including Saski who comes of extremely positive and full of life.

The night took a turn for the worst when a couple more of Alex's friends showed up. The restaurant wasn't booked to capacity yet made no effort to find us a bigger table to seat us all. The main reason that Alex chose that restaurant was because you can bring in your own alcohol; the only option left was to sit at the tables outside which is also the one place in the establishment where we couldn't drink the alcohol we brought. Bitches.

The service was awful, the quality of the food wasn't that great and I don't see myself going back there anytime soon.

We headed out to the Abbey for some light pre-party drinks. The plan was to head to Circus for soome dancing and drinks. The Abbey is always fun and people seemed to be enjoying themselves a lot but I was eager to get to Circus, being that it's my favorite club in LA.

Circus was fun! I ran into Alberto, I hadn't seen him since New Year's eve! The 818 Crew was there and they're always fun. There's some weird vibe between Danny and I. We didn't have any kind of falling out or anything, we just stopped talking and I'm playing that by ear but alas, no everyone, I don't have anything against Danny.

The Gammas were representing in full effect! Juan, Jose, Beto and Tony were there and uniquely representing a different chapter. I love networking and it's always fun to run into people who have had a similar experience. When I first met Tony he came off as standoffish but in getting to know him over a short while, he's just more quiet than others and so far a pretty good guy.

Timing is everything and last night was a perfect example. There's some weird friendship dynamic that Alex has with some people close to him. Tears were shed that night and not out of happiness. Everyone is protective about Alex including myself and despite the futile attempts to break him free of a confrontation he was having with a friend, Alex would not budge.

The night was saved however! Brotherhood really is strong with Alex. The Gammas salvaged the night by inviting Alex and I to the Gay Burrito. The night didn't end there. Apparently we made improvised plans for us to go tanning. Goodness, we're dorks.

To be continued...

Working it out!

One of my goals for 2008 was to get healthy. Motivation can be tough to find...wait, no there's plenty of motivation around but it still hasn't been enough to get my butt to do something about it. It took me a couple of months into the new year before actually attempting anything, but here I am! I stepped it up with some supplements, drinking more water and hitting the gym at least 4 times a week.

Thanks to 24 Hour Fitness, I'm already seeing changes and I feel great! Kudos to me!

Honor Pac @ Club Cobra

A couple of weekends ago I served as part of the host committee for Honor Pac's (a political action coalition for gay Latinos) latest fundraiser held at Club Cobra. Javier Angulo, an old college buddy of mine was in charge of putting on this event and his hard work paid off. I was surprised by just how many people showed up to the event, I can't believe how supportive my friends were, then again, that's why I love them so much.

So many friends showed up and lots of money was raised for an organization I stand behind. Mikey and that fine ass friend of his Freddy showed up, both had fun from what I remember, ha ha. Major snaps to Carlos and Nelson for picking up Adolfo. A few of us headed to some diner that Alex recommended to quench the after party munchies, thanks for keeping us company Nelson!

Congratulations to Eduardo for winning the $40 bar tab! I knew you could do it!

It's time

I think the time has finally come to say goodbye to Parsons and pursue a new path. My two years at the company has been rewarding for me in numerous ways. I've garnered a of experience at the corporate level and amassed numerous skills. I'll miss some of the more interesting people there, the long hours at the Major Proposal Center, working closely with the Finance Department and of course I'll be missing B and H the most. Yes, it's time! Me siento muy excited!

Team Hillary!

Join Team Hillary at
www.hillaryclinton.com

Negative = Positive

It's done! Finally, I closed a dark chapter in my life and at the same time unlocked my freedom. I'm walking through life with my eyes open as if I'd been in a slumber for the last few months.

I'm approaching the people around me quite differently. I keep thinking about the relationships I have with people around me. While I've arrive at the realization that some I want to improve on, others die out, not because I don't care, but because of growing pains, growing apart and ultimately the consequences of adulthood's complexities. There are things I can't control. I can however let people know I love and miss them. Sometimes that along makes all the difference in the world.

I've given myself the authority to be free and be me. For me, that's more precious than the illusions I set myself up to believe. Life is great!

Hillary on HIV/AIDS

This is substance. This is action. The choice is clear. She's been at the front lines fighting Republicans and advocating for highly pressing causes.

"Although all leading presidential candidates were invited, Clinton was the only one to show up for the annual Global Summit on AIDS and the Church. She delivered a bipartisan message that emphasized the role of the church in addressing AIDS."

Full text of Hillary's speech. http://www.hillaryclinton.com/news/speec h/view/?id=4455

Where's Obama in all of this? What has he done? The choice is clear.

Time to Buy Hillary Clinton

Time to Buy Hillary Clinton

By John McIntyre

Three reasons why it may be wise to become bullish on Senator Clinton becoming the next U.S. President.

1) Senator Obama's "problem" in regards to his long-time pastor is a real issue. Brian Ross' report Thursday on Good Morning America, and more importantly the surfacing of the incendiary video(s), make this an explosive subject that will not go quietly away.

2) The very serious meltdown in the financial markets is likely to focus the country's attention on the health, stability and future of the American economy. Fairly or unfairly, Senator Clinton will benefit from her association with Bill Clinton's administration in the prosperous Nineties, and that perceived experience on the economy will stand in stark contrast to Senator Obama's dearth of experience.

3) The mostly unnoticed switch of Puerto Rico from a caucus on June 7 to a primary on June 1, gives Hillary Clinton a very real opportunity to surpass Barack Obama in the popular vote count. If Senator Clinton can "win" the popular vote, this will provide undecided superdelegates ample rationale to go with the less risky general election option of Senator Clinton.

Currently on Intrade Senator Clinton's odds to become the next president stand at 17.9%, down from a 2008 high of 47.5% on January 22. With Senator Obama unlikely to win another primary until May, it is time to be buying Hillary Clinton.

John McIntyre is the co-founder & President of RealClearPolitics. Email: john@realclearpolitics.com

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/03/time_to_buy_hillary_clinton.html

Classic Britney

My favorite Britney performace ever!

From the 2001 MTV VMA's I'm a Slave for U

Results

The Spot: Ideal Testing Location

Free HIV and STD testing at the Spot

The Spot is an HIV and STD testing center providing examinations to everyone at no cost. They're operated through the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center is conveniently located at the heart of the West Hollywood Bar scene. They offer free and very thorough examinations in a walk-in basis. Make a day out of it by getting tested and following it up with some drinks with your friends!

THE SPOT

1743 N. San Vicente (right at Santa Monica Blvd.)

West Hollywood, Ca.
Phone: 323-993-7440

Hours: Tuesday – Friday, 1-7 p.m.

Gettin' Tested is Easy!

EASY STEPS TO GETTING YOURSELF CHECKED

STEP ONE Grab some friends for moral support!

STEP TWO Walk-in

STEP THREE Take the tests

STEP FOUR Brush up on safe practices

STEP FIVE Get your results and your friends

STEP SIX Grab a beer!

Getting tested is a deeply personal experience. I chose to share the experience with two of my closest friends. Alex and Rosa made the experience easier on my nerves, especially as I discussed with them reasons for why I wanted to get tested in the first place. After I got my results we walked over to Fiesta Cantina for some drinks and cheese fries.

I urge you to find a local testing center near you, grab a few friends, get tested together and be there for one another right after you pick up your results and of course making it a great day by getting drunk!