Missing you...

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. -Eleanor Roosevelt

What do you do when your soul hurts? I've been mourning the loss of two friends for far too long. Through this writing I'm hoping to let go of this pain and heal these wounds. These friends didn't pass away, but they have chosen a path that I am no in. It's difficult to open my heart, I'm so full of shit and pain that it's hard for me to understand myself. I'll try as best as I can.

UCSB experience blessed me with incredible opportunities and paths that someway or another connected me to some of the most amazing people I've met thus far in life. In fact, my closest friends today I met at UCSB and not in the most conventional ways.

Nancy (pictured at top) was one of my closest friends circa 2001. Her and I were both going through an awful year for differing reasons. She was stability and I was her confidant. That year was incredibly fun as college should be sometimes. We were inseparable all summer and really bonded through our shared pain and willingness to rise above it. Nancy and I drifted apart but we did try and keep the lines of communication open although I think both of us dropped the ball for personal reasons.

Three months ago I received an email from Nancy letting me know that she's now married and that despite her love for me, she doesn't approve of my lifestyle and for that very reason our paths must go in separate ways. I've never had to face loosing a friend because of my sexuality. Why is being gay an issue all of a sudden, it's not like I was ever trying to sleep with a boyfriend of hers or anything. She was perfectly comfortable and open to understanding who I was back then. A devout Jehovah's Witness now, Nancy isn't the same person I first met. I believe her faith has everything to do with why she's decided to terminate our friendship. It hurts but despite the pain I hope she's happy with her choices in life and wish her no ill will.

Taylor (2nd picture) is by far one of the most accomplished friends I've ever met. Her intelligence is equally complemented by her amazing drive. Taylor was the 1st person I ever met in a UCSB class when we both enrolled in the transitional program during the summer of 1998. Taylor can be intrepid, intimidating and vulnerable all at the same time. Taylor is the type of person I never have to worry about, she has incredible head on her shoulders and the will to back up her aspirations with action.

It's no wonder Taylor and I lost touch. She's participated in Peace Corps, countless research opportunities across the world, and an awesome Master's program in Michigan. Wherever she is, I miss her and welcome her friendship with open arms. I miss her in my life. It's been about 3 years since we last spoke and I hope that changes sometime very soon.